Ken and Barbie Star in a Magpie Tale

“Anyone can catch fish, Ken. Most people clean them before tossing them on the table.” says bitch-and-a-half Barbie as she digs dirt from beneath her nails. Her plastic ball hinge knee creaks when she swings her leg. Ken wants to take that leg in his hands and snap it in half.

Melanoma took Malibu Barbie. It makes bitch-and-a-half Barbie smile just to think of it. It makes Ken want to cry, but his damn face freezes in that dumbass smile. Only two females remain—bitch and a half and her sister, Mod living Skipper, who still mourns missing Malibu Barbie’s tanning tutelage and believes her little girl pink skin keeps Ken’s eyes on her big sis bitch-and-a-half.

“Well we’re not people, are we?” Ken growls back at bitch-and-a-half. “We’re fashion dolls, stuck in some freaky ass story, and these fish?” Ken picks one up. “Pewter. Tell me how I’m supposed to clean them. Tell me.” He grabs bitch-and-a-half Barbie by the hair, pulls her head off and swings it in the air. Slipping out of his hands it twirls to the floor of the room and Jonesy, the house mongrel chews it until nothing is left.

“I like the fish, just the way they are, Ken.” Mod living Skipper purrs. If Ken had moveable eyes, he’d roll them.

Later, the people laugh when a big chunk of bitch-and-a-half’s head shows up in Jonesy’s shit.

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A shout out to Magpie Tales for giving Ken, bitch-and-a-half Barbie, and Mod living Skipper a chance to share the drama of their closeted lives.