08 June 2010

Miriam, wanting to be elsewhere

The sweep of lace brought
Miriam misery.

she thought of
the time
at home
when the swollen
lines and spaces
had unexpectedly stiffened like sticks
dreadful and resented.

She heard nothing
and stood angry
across the red hot
fire of guests
stupid people
noticing her discomfiture and
silly fear.

She had learnt her pieces by heart
Faint notes slurred.
Almost soundlessly she played
and sung.

Twice, she astonished
the notes
to the day before.

Thanks to Angie Werren for the Erasures prompt at We Write Poems. At Erasures, you can delete words from already constructed text to come up with something new. This piece is what's left after erasing words from Pointed Roofs by Dorothy Miller Richardson.

It makes a little bit of sense, right? hmmm.... My psuedonym at Erasures is Caw, and this is my only piece thus far.


Francis Scudellari said...

That's a great opening stanza. I love the alternative narratives that emerge from this process. The Erasures site is neat, but I wish they'd let you go back and edit a piece (I had to create a second version to make a small change).

brenda said...

I agree Francis...that part of Erasures is annoying. But, yeah it's fun.
The lace in the opening stanza is never explained....but I like it, too.

1965 Footprints said...

Well erased! Your story is so clear-it reminds me of my own stage-fright days while learning the piano. Dismal events. The last lines are upbeat and give the reader hope she conquered it after all.

Derrick said...

I love that first phrase! and I like the story you've created for poor Miriam.

angie said...

oh, I'm so jealous -- you got miriam into yours!!!

it makes perfect, wonderful sense. I love the opening stanza; I see a room full of lace-collared, dour-mouthed biddies waiting for her to perform.

hint: I just use the first erase as a base, usually; I retype it into word (but apparently our pal derrick figured out to screen-shot it!!) and then erase more (or less) so I don't have to go back and do a new one. and you can go back and add words back (by clicking on them) (if you change your mind) before you save it.

I know, I know. I'm a bit obsessed.

brenda said...

Well I'll be darned, Angie. You done shed some light on that there poem o' mine! I love the idea of dour mouthed biddies. Ha! You made me like my own poem better!

Thank you, This has been a romping good time.

flaubert said...

Wow Brenda you turned this into quite the story!

Dina Spice said...

You did wonderful with it, Brenda!
- Dina

b_ said...

oh, goody. I like that last sentence.
I couldn't make it work, the time thing, but yours freshens. It was a fun place to play, wasn't it?

Mr. Walker said...

I love the flow of emotions, from misery, nervousness, anger, "trembling", and then astonished. Yes, it makes sense. Good job!

Linda Goin said...

Oh, I took classical piano lessons for ten years, ten hateful years. So, these two lines, "lines and spaces/had unexpectedly stiffened like sticks" said it all for me. But, the last stanza also had my heart...especially since I never could memorize one durn line. I should frame this one.

irene said...

Brenda, I dig your portrait of Miriam. It flows so nicely.

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

And this is one of my "wow" moments today, reading this. Your ending is what did it.

What I am finding is the same story, being told through several different lenses, which I find truly intriguing.