A Pantoum for JW
Everything you give out comes back to you.
Dutify your dharma dudette, karma culminates.
Unless you start living a golden rule,
your pretenses of friendship will bite you in the ass.
Dutify your dharma dudette, karma culminates.
Practice kindness every day.
Your pretense of friendship will bite you in the ass.
Insecurity is no excuse for cruelty.
Practice kindness every day.
Ignite a shining in people you meet.
Insecurity is no excuse for cruelty.
Lies become soul-eating bacteria.
Ignite a shining in people you meet.
Eradicate fear and defense.
Lies become soul-eating bacteria.
Practice compassion, seek wisdom and truth.
Eradicate fear and defense.
Love yourself in spite of yourself.
Practice compassion, seek wisdom and truth.
Everything you give out comes back to you.
~~~~~~~~~
Shout out to Big Tent Poetry, who had participants explore anger in a poetic form, the pantoum. This is my first pantoum. JW, if you happen across this piece, I'm only trying to help. Be sure to visit Big Tent for other creative pieces inspired by rage.
23 comments:
Whoosh. Ok -- from the top. I love the title. The first line grabbed my attention and the second line provided me with a way to view this entire piece as informal yet intimate tough love. This is my favorite line, "Ignite a shining in people you meet." Good one to keep in my back pocket, Brenda, even though it was intended for someone else. I appreciate that. Thank you.
Thanks Linda. Dutify your Dharma Dudette showed up as the last line in an extremely angry piece I wrote to this same person a few years ago. The whole poem is shaped like a Christmas tree, and it's downright mean-spirited. I never showed it to anyone as it was so dang mean. In this piece, I toned it down. Time practicing kindness toward JW, and "friendship" softened me. I gained some insight into JWs motivation. (insecurity)
I appreciate your whoosh......comment. Thank you.
So often we don't appreciate that "Everything you give out comes back to you". This is a salutary lesson.
"Love yourself in spite of yourself"
This could be the problem.
People ' being themselves' and 'loving themselves.'
In many cases it would be preferable if they worked on' being someone else ' before considering loving themselves at all.
Derrick, How true...when I write anything, I always find reflections of myself in it. In this case, it's a warning I need heed more often, too.
Rallentanda--Thanks for your comment. Some people are stinkingly entrenched in their current state of being, and forget to look up. Perhaps you are right. Food for thought....and now I'm off to your take on the prompt!
Nice! I'm thinking, though, we could learn to get away from the 'all about me' syndrome that's leading the edge.
Thanks Tumblewords, There was something nagging at me about it, and you nailed it. There is an air of self-righteous, even self-indulgent indignance in the piece. It's an ugly thing, isn't it? Ah...the webs we tangle through... I appreciate your comment, and am glad you stopped by.
So, maybe if I changed the "treat me, how I treat you" line to something else? That's where I feel an air of superiority. I'll work on it.
Anyone else have thoughts, ideas, impressions?
Okay, instead of "treat me how I treat you, practice kindness...."
"Practice kindness every day." It gets that darn I out of there, and does not carry judgement.
Everything you give out DOES come back to you, Brenda W! Well written. Loved it!
It all comes back - along with everything we take too. We should realise both the differences and similarities in giving and taking.
Thank you Diane for your visit, and your enthusiasm.
Stan, Thank you for the reminder about taking, too, that could be another topic for poetic exploration...
"Insecurity is no excuse for cruelty." A wonderfully insightful statement. Reminds me of how I've used insecurity for that very purpose in years past without realizing it. With that one line, Brenda, you've taught ME a lesson!
Thank you for visiting me! I look forward to reading your previous posts!
Rick
it's kinda like pay it forward in a quarky sorta way.... absolutely that we could love so hard and hurt just as hard... i like how you worked your way through the process of understanding to a resolution of strength..
Rick, Insecurity and I are old friends, I've used it that way, too. Ouch, eh? Thanks for your visit. I'll stop your way again. Nothing like a little "ineffecient agony" I always say. ;)
omb, Thanks for your comments, they started my day with a "feel good." One difficulty is maintaining kindness when someone really gets to you. But, experience shows that it works. Go figure.
Brenda I love the last line of this! It is so true. If only more people thought about how their actions do in fact come back to them.
Great job!
Pamela
I really enjoyed the wide range you draw your metaphors from -'dutify your karma dudette,' 'bite you in the ass,' 'Ignite a shining,' and my favourite, 'soul-eating bacteria.' Your pantoum spoken by a karma-smart woman with woman-wolf-wisdom... and not a little humour!
A fine romp through the importance and necessity of living in the countryside of compassion!
A superb commentary —some very powerful lines: "Lies become soul-eating bacteria." If that doesn't say it all and so succinctly. I love the syncopation: "Dutify your dharma dudette, karma culminates."
Great messages here. I like the way you used this form. Nice!
I like the surprising language, like bite you in the ass & soul-eating bacteria. Makes the core wisdom fresh, which sparkles like a fire. If you make changes, I'd personally love to see more of that. It's a wonderful addition to the normal karmic advice.
I love the assonance and alliteration in the line "Dutify your dharma dudette, karma culminates." Lies as soul-eating bacteria is a great image. And I like the way the initial anger transforms into something more zen by the end of the poem.
I can see from the difference b/t this one and the other, that your patience is wearing thin. Does kill her with kindness work?
~laurie
Thanks for reading this piece, too, Laurie. It works...but here's what happens, I start trusting because the kindness feels so good. Eventually, she breaks my trust. At this point, trust won't come.
~Brenda
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