30 May 2011

SuperShe's Ottava Rima for a Dream

A smile incriminates her sleeping curl,
as swallows dive around her just to play.
With arms outstretched she soars above her world.
She swirls beyond the life she leads by day.
Her dreams create this charming super girl
whose deeds expose her waking life’s decay.
She longs to sleep in perpetuity
evading waking’s incongruity.



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From a prompt at One Stop Poetry, this piece is an ottava rima. I continued the theme from yesterday’s piece The Photographer’s Girlfriend, that I wrote from a One Stop prompt. This is the girlfriend’s dream.

Here’s a piece of the prompt:
The classic rhyme scheme in English of ottava rima is a stanza which consists of eight iambic lines, usually written in iambic pentameter. Each stanza consists of three alternate rhymes and one double rhyme, following the a-b-a-b-a-b-c-c pattern.

10 comments:

libithina said...

I LOVED LOVED LOVED this ~ supergirl casting off the cares of the day ~ flying high ~ see was game and in for the dream :) ~ Lib @Libithina

flaubert said...

Love this, Brenda. The form is lovely, my hat is off to you. When I start reading about iambic meter and ababac ... I kind of just glaze over:)

Pamela

bumfuzzled said...

loved it ;) and how well you did with the subject matter :)

Monty / bummy

Beachanny said...

Perfectly realized Ottava Rima stanza and not an easy challenge you set for yourself; yet, you managed it so well. Loved the couplet at the end. You've completely mastered the prosody and your poem has depth and imagery as well. Excellent, thank you. Gay

brenda w said...

~libithina, Thank you for reading my words. I like it, too. Better now that a few hours have passed since I wrote it.

~Pamela, Thank you. I chose the subject, and went from there. I changed line orderings, and a few words, too.

**I just changed avoiding in the final stanza to evading. Same stress and syllable structure, but it provides for more assonance.

~Monty, Welcome, I'm so happy you liked the piece.

~Gay,Your comment is gracious, it makes me blush. Thank you, and welcome to my blog.

~Brenda

Kerry O'Connor said...

This was a fun subject you used to try something new. Enjoyed

ayala said...

Fun and cool!

Raivenne said...

"A smile incriminates her sleeping curl," Oh how I love that opening line! I so envy how easy you make iambic pentameter read! This is a gem on it's own, more so when taken in context of the continued story.

Mary said...

You wrote so well in this form, Brenda. I looked at the challenge, had good intentions, but then life got in the way. I love the last two lines!

Mr. Walker said...

Brenda, you rocked this one - form and content. I love that you snuck "swirls" in there, even though you didn't use it as a rhyme with curl and girl. Awesome!

Richard